Sigh, I'm outta the squad.
Mixed feelings about it. I mean of course I feel sad, made friends there, learnt so much stuff there. But there's a feeling of something lifted off my shoulder. Not aburden but like just some tiny feeling of relief. To be frank, I knew I was gonna be out soon. Intuition. I just thought you give me a chance to prove myself, guess I was wrong.

Sam, I know it was hard for you to tell me that. Could hear it from your voice. I don't blame you, I wouldn't be bold enough to do that if I were you.

G, I can't thank you enough for even giving me this opportunity to improve myself. Guess you saw that want in me to join the squad from the way I was shaking badly during the audition. You were the only trainer who could control us, all these crazy kids from my school. I only have admiration for you. You're one of the most knowlegable and wise people I've known since I was born. The way you carried yourself, knew almost everything about everything, wanted to create a squad called TEDS and help people like us who have a passion in drama and for us to put it down to good use. When I knew the store was gonna be near my place, trust me, I was really excited, knowing all the possibilities that could happen since travelling time was not a factor any longer. I only wished you had given me time to show it after my exams. I know many a times I was on the chopping block. You've made that known to me, too close I know. But I mean, I've contributed to the squad as well. Maybe not as much as you would have expected but more than some others there, honestly speaking. Oh well, what can be done now huh. if only you could read my mind.

Yan, I know I don't talk to you much but you're such a wonderful person. It's like you're always there, always around. All the best with Veronica!

Ryan, I know you'll definitely not read this but I'll always remember you as the person who push me to my limits for percussion. You made me improve my single strokes on the snare, and especially your 'rat shit in porridge' quote. Crude but inspiring.

Shijun, omg, what else can I say? You're extremely sweet and I'll never forget the ring you and Nat gave me. Although everyone always made fun of you and your China accent etc, you're really a great person. No, I'm not lying. It's just the quiet support you give that's really awesome.

Han Siang, thanks for being such an awesome group leader of Eclipse. Thanks for all the updates from the squad when I'm not around. Thanks for your quote 'study smart and not study hard', it's still stuck with me till now and I'll remember it, yes i will.

And for everyone else that I knew through NYDS/TEDS, thanks for that experience (: yall opened my eyes to another dimension.

Julia, yes thanks for listening to my rambling and us talking shit over the phone just now!

Maybe it's because you think i've no time, maybe it's because you think i'll not be committed, maybe it's because you think im not good enough for this. Whatever the case, your quote will be in my mind! "get over it"

But i can't help but ponder over this: if i had stepped down and totally pulled myself away from this like some others, would i have been out of this today? Somehow, i doubt so.

you were the ones who fuelled my passion
you were the ones who crashed it